If You’ve Ever Doubted your ADHD Diagnosis, You’re Not Alone
- jthill
- Oct 15
- 4 min read
Discover why impostor feelings are so common for women with ADHD and learn how you can begin to let them go.
"If you were diagnosed with ADHD later in life and immediately thought,“What if this isn’t real?” you are not alone." For many women, an ADHD diagnosis brings clarity and relief, followed closely by doubt. Instead of feeling grounded, you may find yourself questioning your experiences, your struggles, and even your right to identify as neurodivergent.
These doubts aren’t random. They’re deeply connected to how women with ADHD are socialized, diagnosed, and expected to function in a world that wasn’t built for their brains.
The Quiet Doubt After Diagnosis
A diagnosis often answers that nagging question you’ve been asking yourself and the universe for years: “What’s wrong with me?”. Suddenly, lifelong patterns make sense: the overwhelm, the emotional intensity, the constant effort it takes to stay on top of life.
But for many women, that clarity is quickly followed by thoughts like:
“Do I really have ADHD, or am I just bad at adulting?”
“I’ve been successful — maybe I’m just overreacting.”
“No one else seems to believe me… what if they’re right?”
This internal questioning mirrors something many high-achieving women already know all to well. And that's impostor syndrome, the belief that you’re secretly a fraud, even when the evidence says otherwise. For women with ADHD, impostor feelings don’t just show up at work. They show up daily in every aspect of their lives.
Growing Up Undiagnosed Changes Everything
Many women with ADHD spend decades undiagnosed. Instead of learning that their brains work differently, they grow up believing their struggles are personal failures.
They’re told they’re:
disorganized
too sensitive
undisciplined
inconsistent
not trying hard enough
Without context, these messages get internalized. To cope, many women develop survival strategies: perfectionism, people-pleasing, overworking, hyper-vigilance.
These strategies often work, at least on the surface.
But they come at a cost.
When you’ve spent years compensating, it becomes hard to believe your struggles are “real enough” to warrant support. A late diagnosis can feel validating and destabilizing at the same time. You finally have answers, but decades of self-doubt don’t disappear overnight.
Masking: The Hidden Contributor to Impostor Feelings
One of the biggest drivers of impostor feelings in women with ADHD is masking.
Masking is the act of consciously or unconsciously hiding neurodivergent traits to fit in. Many women become experts at observing others, mimicking social norms, forcing focus, and suppressing restlessness.
From the outside, they look “fine.” On the inside, they’re exhausted.
The cruel irony is this the better you are at masking, the more likely you are to doubt your diagnosis.
Because you don’t fit outdated stereotypes — like the hyperactive little boy who can’t sit still — you may feel you’re “too functional” to be worthy of support. But masking doesn’t erase ADHD. It proves how hard you’ve had to work to survive.
Gender Expectations Make It Worse
Society expects women to be emotionally intuitive, organized, socially aware, and self-managing. When ADHD interferes with those expectations, women are far more likely to blame themselves rather than question the system. Add to that the fact that ADHD diagnostic criteria were historically based on male presentations, and it’s no surprise so many women were missed or misdiagnosed.
Many women receive diagnoses for anxiety or depression long before ADHD is ever considered. So, when an accurate diagnosis finally comes, disbelief lingers:
“Why did no one catch this sooner?”
“Maybe I’m exaggerating.”
That doubt isn’t a personal flaw — it’s the result of systemic bias.
The Comparison Trap
Another common trigger for impostor feelings is comparison.
When women with ADHD look for representation, they often see stories that don’t reflect their experience: people whose struggles are more visible, more disruptive, or more stereotypical.
This leads to thoughts like:
“I can hold a job so maybe I don’t have ADHD.”
“I’m good socially so maybe this doesn’t apply to me.”
"My symptoms aren't constant or visible to others so maybe it really is just me."
But ADHD is not a single experience. It’s a spectrum, shaped by personality, environment, support, and coping strategies. Functioning doesn’t mean thriving. Struggling quietly still counts.
Letting Go of Impostor Feelings
While impostor feelings are common, they don’t have to define your relationship with your ADHD. They are changeable. You can reframe your perspective by remembering the following.
1. Masking is not evidence against your diagnosis. It’s evidence of resilience in an unsupportive environment.
2. A diagnosis is information — not a test.You don’t have to “prove” ADHD by struggling in a specific way.
3. Community matters.Hearing “me too” from other late-diagnosed women can be profoundly validating.
4. Challenge internalized ableism.Worth is not measured by productivity, visibility of struggle, or how much you can push through.
Rewriting the Story
Impostor feelings thrive in silence. When women talk openly about masking, late diagnosis, and self-doubt, something powerful happens: shame loses its grip. Whether you were diagnosed at 8 or 68, whether your struggles are loud or invisible, your experience is real.
You deserve understanding, support, and compassion — especially from yourself.
Ready to Feel Less Alone?
You don’t have to navigate an ADHD diagnosis by yourself. I work with women everyday who are letting go of self-doubt, unlearning years of masking, and discovering ways to work with their ADHD brains and not against them. For more honest conversation about ADHD check out Angry on the Inside, the podcast I co-host for women who were diagnosed with later in life.
