ADHD and Object Permanence: Why “Out of Sight, Out of Mind” Is More Than Forgetfulness
- EGC Coaching
- Jul 8
- 3 min read
Ever set something down—your keys, a bill, or even your phone—and then completely forget about it? If you have ADHD, this might feel like a daily (or hourly) occurrence. But here’s the truth: it’s not laziness or carelessness. It’s often connected to a brain-based challenge called object permanence difficulty in ADHD.
For many adults with ADHD, when something,or even someone, is not right in front of them, their brain struggles to keep it “on the radar.” The result? Lost items, missed deadlines, forgotten tasks, and even unintentional strain on relationships.
What Is Object Permanence in ADHD?
Object permanence is the understanding that things continue to exist even when we can’t see them. Babies develop this skill around 8–12 months old—peek-a-boo is fun because, for them, you really do disappear behind your hands.
Adults with ADHD don’t lack this understanding. You know your keys, bills, and medication exist even when they’re out of sight. The challenge is that your ADHD brain has trouble holding onto a strong mental “bookmark” when those things aren’t right in front of you.
A neurotypical brain has an easy-to-access mental filing cabinet, and while an ADHD brain has the same filing cabinet it can be difficult to access. Without strong visual or auditory cues, those “files” (tasks, objects, or people) get harder to retrieve.
How Object Permanence Affects Daily Life
While difficulties with object permanence may seem like a nuisance, these challenges can have a real impact on daily life, relationships and even emotions. If you have ADHD, the following might seem too familiar.
The Disappearing Keys: You know you brought them inside, but where? Cue the frantic morning search.
The Late Fee Trap: Bills vanish from awareness once filed away, until late fees bring them back.
The Duplicate Paradox: You buy a second item (like shoes or groceries) because you forgot you already had it.
ADHD and Relationships: The Object Permanence Effect
Object permanence doesn’t just apply to objects, it affects people too. This can be one of the most painful parts for adults with ADHD. These scenarios may feel familiar:
The Disappearing Text Message: You read a text, plan to reply later, and once the phone’s out of sight… so is the message.
The Forgotten Birthday: You care deeply about loved ones, but without a reminder, dates can slip by.
The Check-In Challenge: You promised to update your partner if you’d be late, but in the moment, it’s like the promise no longer exists.
Emotional Object Permanence and ADHD
Here’s a lesser-known piece: object permanence challenges can extend to emotions too. Just as physical objects fade when they’re out of sight, emotional presence can fade when loved ones aren’t nearby.
This can show up as:
The Endless Reassurance Loop: Needing frequent reminders of love or commitment.
The Wavering Trust Cycle: Doubting a partner’s feelings when they’re not actively expressed.
Relationship Anxiety: Feeling disconnected when loved ones aren’t physically present.
This isn’t “neediness”—it’s your brain struggling to hold onto emotional presence the same way it struggles with physical objects.
Reframing the Challenge
Struggling with object permanence doesn’t mean your brain is broken. Your ADHD brain simply works differently. The goal isn’t to “fix” yourself, it’s to build systems that support how your brain naturally operates.
The same brain that loses track of tasks can also hyperfocus on passion projects, spot creative solutions, and connect ideas in ways others miss.
Strategies for Managing Object Permanence Challenges
Here are practical ways to work with your ADHD brain:
Visual Systems: Keep essentials visible, hooks by the door, clear bins, open shelving.
Routine Anchors: Pair new tasks with habits you already have (take meds with coffee, pay bills after checking email).
Tech Support: Use alarms, reminders, and task apps as external memory.
Open Communication: Let loved ones know forgetting isn’t the same as not caring.
Self-Compassion: Remember—this is a brain-based challenge, not a character flaw.
Final Thoughts
If you struggle with ADHD and object permanence, know this: you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. These challenges are real, valid, and manageable with the right support.
You don’t need to change who you are. You just need systems that honor your wiring and people who understand how you move through the world.
If you’re tired of battling your brain and want to create systems that actually stick, we’d love to help. At EGC Coaching, we help clients design strategies that play to their strengths while making daily life feel less overwhelming. Because when you stop forcing yourself into neurotypical boxes and start building an environment where your brain can thrive—amazing things happen.
Ready to stop battling ADHD forgetfulness and create systems that work with your brain? Schedule a free discovery call and let’s talk about how to create systems that actually work for you.
